


Ablative

by cephalopod_groupie



Category: Yes Minister
Genre: Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, M/M, Office Sex, Oral Sex, Woolhump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-04-29 15:12:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14475387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cephalopod_groupie/pseuds/cephalopod_groupie
Summary: Un-subsidized sex between our two favourite civil servants.





	1. Wanting

Bernard slowly snaked his fingertips in the soft greying curls at the nape of Sir Humphrey’s neck. Somehow Bernard had been pushed up against a wall but through careful manipulation he shifted their position so that Sir Humphrey’s back was up against the fireplace. Even the older man’s kissing was urbane; every movement calculated to induce the greatest desire. Every gentle motion of his tongue was a persuasive argument, delicious and awe-inspiring. Maddeningly, the exasperated call of their Minister bellowed a couple rooms over. Their lips parted in an instant. Sir Humphrey sighed in his usual resigned fashion. Bernard became as anxious as a schoolboy. 

“You’d better get a move on, Sir Humphrey. He sounds rather upset.”

Straightening his waistcoat and tie Sir Humphrey sauntered to the door. He smirked. 

“Bit of crush on him, have you, Bernard?” he said with his wolfish smile before closing the door behind him. Though he had meant it as a joke Bernard couldn’t help think there was some truth in it. Jim Hacker was tall and handsome and sophisticated, if a little naive and bumptious. But Bernard much preferred Sir Humphrey despite the fact that he was a much more ruthless man than their superior. Perhaps it was his sharp wit. Bernard couldn’t help but admire his shrewdness cum villainy; expressed in such velvety tones and executed with the most charming of predatory smiles, it made Bernard a little weak. 

The day waned and the Minister went home. Sir Humphrey always had things to work on before he left for the evening but he never took work home. He clicked his briefcase shut and entered the Minister’s office and lowered himself into a highjack chair. Bernard yawned and then suddenly realized he wasn’t alone. 

“Oh, I didn’t hear you come in, Sir Humphrey.”

“Carry on, Bernard,” he said, closing his eyes. Bernard finished his duties.

They didn’t pull the curtains. 

“Nothing excites the press more than drawn curtains, Bernard,” he said to the younger man’s anxieties.

Bernard got down to his knees. He rested his hands on Sir Humphrey’s pin-stripped-attired thighs. 

“If the minister ever saw us like this,” Bernard remarked, looking up with his soulful cow eyes.

“The minister must never know. He could take advantage.”

“Like we take advantage of him?”

“Yes..no...oh just shut up and get on with it.”

“I don’t think he would take advantage.”

“Perhaps you’re right,” Sir Humphrey pondered.

Bernard opened the man’s trousers as if they were petals of a moonflower and took him in his mouth. Sir Humphrey sighed with contentment. Bernard supped, almost indolently, licking the member and feeling it stiffen in his mouth. Sir Humphrey exhaled, whispered, and even moaned, but never loud enough for anyone other than Bernard to hear. Bernard didn’t mind. An appreciative hand rested in his straight brown hair and that was enough. His eyes were closed but he could hear Sir Humphrey’s sweaty hand slipping on the arm of the leather chair as his gripped it for support. Bernard slid a hand up underneath Humphrey’s shirt, feeling the coarse hairs under his fingers. Sir Humphrey bucked his hips suddenly, catching his breath. Bernard thought he heard his own name. Bobbing his head he pressed into Sir Humphrey, his lips touching the root as his pressed his fingertips into the man’s upper thigh. Working in earnest, Bernard sucked for all he was worth, drawing his lips up the tumid shaft until he felt the great surge quaking into his mouth. A groan diminished to a whimper. Bernard couldn’t catch it all and wiped up the remainder with his hankie. It took a while for the older man to regain his breath. Bernard tucked him away and watched him as he basked in the pleasure that had overcome him. With reluctance, the latter opened his eyes. Bernard searched the man’s face, looking for some hidden communication.

Sir Humphrey looked down and deftly touched his thumb to the corner of Bernard’s mouth, wiping away the ejeculate, a flash of tenderness in his shrewd eyes. Bernard knew he had cracked the facade, at least for a moment. 

Sir Humphrey’s thumb lingered, and Bernard suddenly found himself taking the thumb into his mouth, wanting, needing to fulfill his own desires. 

“Get up.”

Bernard did as he was told, positioning himself over Sir Humphrey, gripping the top of the armchair. He closed his eyes and felt the man’s hand touch his bulging grey trousers. Of course he wouldn’t take him out; he loved to tease. And Bernard loved to be teased. Sir Humphrey’s skillful hand rubbed up and down with painful slowness. Bernard bit his lip.

“Thank God the chair is out of the view of the windows,” Bernard thought. He huffed as the friction increased. Fingers gently but firmly pressed into his balls and up his erection. And then the touches became lighter again, leaving Bernard silently begging for more, grinding into Sir Humphrey’s hand.

“Please, please,” Bernard whispered. Humphrey picked up speed, watching the man above him rapidly fall to pieces. Soft, strained noises escaped his gaping mouth as he came, soaking a patch on the front of his trousers. He fell forward and rested his head on the back of the chair. He felt warm lips at his neck.

“We’d better go home for the evening,” Sir Humphrey whispered. Bernard pushed himself up to a standing position. Seeking Sir Humphrey’s hand, he was met by a fond caress. Their hands lingered and then slipped apart. Bernard put on his long coat and wrapped it tightly around him, leaving Sir Humphrey alone.


	2. Impulse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernard is easily swayed.

“Oh dear. Oh dear.” 

Bernard had let his impulses get the better of him yet again. Although this time it wasn’t just a correction of a mixed metaphor or any other gramatical mishap. This was serious, embarrassing, and was about to make him break out in a cold sweat. He straightened his hair and tugged at his waistcoat. He knocked.  

“Come in,” Sir Humphrey with the blasé mood of a dozing panther, and just as potentially deadly. 

Bernard approached the desk and cleared his throat. 

“One moment, Bernard.” Sir Humphrey gestured at the chair in front of the desk, not looking up from his paperwork. Bernard swallowed a few times as he lowered himself into the chair. 

“Yes, Bernard,” Humphrey said, smiling gently in his superior manner, closing his folder. “What can I do for you?”

“Well, um, I…”

“Spit it out, no use delaying the inevitable.” 

“I’ve done something…foolish.”

“Oh? Given the Minister a document he shouldn’t have seen, perhaps? Neglected to fill up his diary again, hmmmm?” 

“Something far worse.”

“Divulged one of our little meetings and told him a few little government secrets, have we? Looking to shorten your career, then?”

“No..I…”

“Do get on with it.”

“I kissed him on the cheek.”

“Ah.” Sir Humphrey was not one to be easily shocked but he certainly was very stunned indeed and sat very still. 

“What am I going to do?” 

“Why did you do it? More to the point, what did he do?”

“Oh he was alright about it; not angry at all, just…”

“Quite.”

“I do tend to get a little flustered and he was being very nice and…I don’t know what came over me…”

“And?”

“He was flustered, certainly, but he said it was alright and smiled and said he didn’t need me for the remainder of the evening.”

Sir Humphrey sighed and leaned against his palm. “Could have been worse.”

Bernard put his head in his hands and grumbled. 

“Now, now,” Sir Humphrey said, comforting yet patronizing in one fell swoop. “It’s not as bad as all that. We shall have to teach you not to act on all your little impulses.”

“Blast.” 

“Why don’t you come over here and sit on my lap?”

Bernard looked up, wide-eyed like a lost puppy. 

“Lock the door first.” Bernard did as he was told. Sitting on Sir Humphrey’s lap looked as awkward as could be anticipated. Bernard was never quite sure what to do with his hands at the best of times. He held onto the desk for balance. Sir Humphrey slid his arms around the younger man’s waist. Bernard looked into the man’s eyes, searching again. But like the Fountain of Youth or the Arch of the Covenant, he was almost certain he would never find it and yet, never stop looking. 

All Sir Humphrey’s affection was in his lips. His ministrations distracted, controlled, and caressed, much like his words. He had the power and chased Bernard’s desires accordingly. When he had finished figuratively pulling Bernard apart he gazed at him, satisfied. 

“Now, perhaps your little schoolboy infatuation will remain so. No need to bother the minister anymore, no matter how much he secretly appreciates the attention.”

“N-no, Sir Humphrey.” Bernard was dazed, as he was after every intercourse with the senior gentleman. 

“I’m sure we can arrange a little private meeting in the next few days,” Sir. Humphrey said seductively. Bernard nodded, befuddled and sleepy from the kiss. 

As usual, the entire interaction had never taken place.

 

**Author's Note:**

> If there are typos it's because I'm in grad school and it's the end of term and I'm bloody knackered. Plus my spellcheck hates me.  
> P.S. The title derives from an alternate meaning of the grammatical ablative case which is occasionally used to express motion away from something. The word "ablative" comes from the Latin ablatus meaning "to carry away". I feel like Sir Humpy and Bernard get carried away by their desires. Isn't that clever. *deadpans* I tried to title this at 4 in the morning and probably failed.


End file.
